Building Self-Confidence: A Guide for New Coaches
Let's talk about building self-confidence as a new coach in a noisy online space. Have you ever felt held back by self-doubt and low self-confidence as a new coach or small business owner?
This has come up a lot in my work recently, with self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, worry and comparison with others acting like a heavy chain that just won’t release you.
POV: You signed up to your training programme full of excitement about what may be. You see all of the success stories where others have gone on to make 4-6 figures each month within weeks. You start to kind of believe it’s possible, but there is still that little voice of doubt in the back of your mind.
This little voice gets louder until you’re like a deer in headlights, with no idea at all what to do & how to make it work for you. All of a sudden your self-confidence is through the floor…
Can you relate to this? Maybe not as strongly, but most of us (yes, even those super confident ones you follow) will experience some level of self-doubt. But yes, in order to make your business goals come to life, you will need to nurture your confidence
The thing with building self-confidence is that you can learn how to become confident, and tame those mind monkeys. Your brain is in charge of keeping you alive, so when something that feels challenging or uncomfortable crops up (like choosing to start your own business), it can mistake that as a threat to your life. It tries its hardest to convince you that you should absolutely not “go for it”. It wants you to stay safe, and that means staying within your comfort zone.
This is why self-doubt can be a powerful block for many new coaches and small business owners.
Table of Contents
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Part 1: The Impact of Low Self-Confidence on Coaching Success
When you have low self-confidence, many aspects of your business can be affected.
Setting up a new business is challenging and is hard work, especially at the beginning. To stay focused and keep up the momentum, you need a good level of enthusiasm, belief, and vision, because in those early days you probably won’t see much of a financial return on your efforts.
Therefore, if you’re plagued by self-doubt and your self-confidence is low, it will impact your energy and how you approach your work. For example, you may:
- Lose motivation
- Procrastinate
- Face creative / writers block
- Lose belief in your business concept
- Unable to communicate your services effectively
- Not attract clients to your offer
- Step back from promoting your business
- Compare yourself with others and lose more self-confidence
- Undervalue your work and your expertise
- Stop working on it at all
When I experienced crippling self-doubt, I lost total belief in my abilities despite being an experienced therapist with a thriving practice, and achieving a distinction in my Master's at around the same time. It stopped me from bringing my energy to both my work and my marketing.
I lacked focus and spent my time on behind-the-scenes tasks that didn’t need to be completed. This cost me time and energy. My clients didn’t know who I was or what my offer was, yet I was working non-stop! I was always extremely busy, but not very productive because I didn’t have self-confidence.
The clients I’ve worked with, whether in teaching, mentoring, therapy or coaching, all experience similar things when they lack self-confidence. The wider impact can be massive whilst making your world much smaller. It's why I advocate that building self-confidence is as important as any other aspect of your business, because you need to be able to show up for your clients & to be seen amongst all the other professionals out there!
Part 2: The Monkey Mind and Its Role in Self-Doubt
What is the “monkey mind”? What does it mean and how does it make self-doubt and self-confidence worse?
In very basic terms… – Our brains have:
- The old part (lizard). This is responsible for those basic instincts for survival. Think fight/flight reactions with little thought involved.
- The newer part – The monkey brain – is closest to your ego and is responsible for processing lots of complicated things as well as your emotions.
- The human brain is the part where logical thinking comes in – devoid of the impact of the emotional brain.
**There are loads of psychology theories and research in this, I chose to present this as it feels much more straightforward!
The term “Monkey Mind” is attributed to Buddha.
In Buddhism, it refers to the unrelenting chatter, confusion and chaos that can happen inside our minds. If you imagine a group of monkeys playing together, there’s a lot of noise and chatter and a feeling of chaotic energy.
When you’re in a cycle of negative self-talk, your mind can be an unforgiving space. Your mind can feel busy with a million ideas jostling for your attention. If you’re already experiencing self-doubt, lacking self-confidence and not making the progress you had hoped to, the negative self-talk can become pretty intense
“I knew you couldn’t do it!” “Why bother?” “You’re not good enough to do this…”
This constant stream of noisy chatter- those voices that criticise you, tell you it’s not worth working for, that you’re not worthy or capable – are your mind monkeys. It can be tough to switch off, but there are ways to tame the monkey and restore clarity and calm.
First thing to remember is – your thoughts are not facts.
It is important that you work on removing these doubts, because they can lead to missed opportunities, inaction and a lack of growth. Building your self-confidence through managing these thoughts is key.
If you’re also an introvert or you manage chronic illness, these thoughts can build even more intensely as that inner sense of not quite fitting in can just amplify those feelings.
Part 3: Building Self-Confidence: Strategies to Tame the Monkey Mind
Here are some practical techniques to support you with building self-confidence, managing your self-doubt and quieting the monkey mind:
Mindfulness and meditation to increase self-awareness and reduce negative thought patterns. Before you roll your eyes at yet another meditation and mindfulness suggestion – bear with me here… Anxiety, worry and self-doubt are very rarely based in logical thinking. When you’re worrying or predicting all the things that could go wrong, your head is in the future.
Or, if old patterns or thoughts are bringing you back, your mind still isn’t in the present. That is what mindfulness and meditation do – they bring you straight into the present moment, the here and now. When you are focused only on your breath and on being present in that moment, the monkey mind is quietened.
Once you learn this technique and practise it, it reduces the impact of the thought or worry until it isn’t an issue at all. Of course, it’s not going to be the answer to everything, but in the moment it will absolutely help you come back into your logical mind
Journaling and Affirmations help you get used to using positive self-talk to counteract self-criticism with self-empowerment, which will also help with building self-confidence. Journal to identify and challenge limiting beliefs and fears and set your intentions for the day ahead.
Create a list of evidence. Use this to challenge the thoughts as they arise. In time, this becomes automatic, and eventually those negative thoughts decrease until they’re banished from your mind! Or, when they do arise, you can calmly reframe them without the thought impacting your ability to keep moving forward.
Work with a therapist. If you find it too difficult to manage your self-belief or self-doubt and you recognise that there may be some deeply ingrained messages, consider reaching out to a therapist.
Part 4: Embracing Fear as a Growth Opportunity
Shift the narrative around fear from being an obstacle to becoming a catalyst for growth. When you recognise that fear is holding you back, focus on the learning you can take from that. What would pushing through and doing the thing that you’re scared of mean? How will it improve your life or benefit your business?
Fear is a natural part of the journey of building a business. It also tells you that you’re pushing beyond your comfort zone, and this is where the growth will happen.
As you begin to step outside of your comfort zone, your fear will lessen. By doing this, you're not only building your self-confidence, but you're also continually making progress towards your goals. Recognise what the fear is telling you – is it showing up to keep you safe? Why? How can you find the courage to do what you’re worried about?
Starting a new business takes courage, so it’s normal to experience fear as well. It’s a big deal! You’re doing amazing things, probably things you’ve never done before, so keep in mind that you’re currently experiencing a lot of firsts as you develop your skills and set up your new business. Building self-confidence is huge in itself – let alone at the same time as having to constantly push through your comfort zone!
Part 5: Consistency and Resilience: Keys to Moving Forward
Consistency and resilience are key for overcoming confidence challenges & building self-confidence once again. Whenever you do something that’s new and unfamiliar, it can feel uncomfortable. If you already experience self-doubt, these feelings may be amplified, but the key is to keep going. If, for example, showing up online is a big challenge, committing to showing up every day for a week is going to lessen the fear by day 5. I’m not saying you’re going to be loving going live on Instagram after 5 days, but what you’re doing is proving to your mind that it was okay. Yes, it was scary, but nothing bad happened.
Resilience is important because we can face a lot of setbacks in business. The dream of a full client list may not happen as easily or as quickly as you had hoped, but it’s important not to let that setback derail your progress completely. So you showed up live, but nobody watched. Yes, it felt a bit crap, but by continuing to go for it and put yourself out there, people will begin to find you.
Or, you poured your heart and soul into a course and not one person took you up on it. Does that make the course rubbish? No! Being resilient will help you become solution-focused. Instead of focusing on what has gone wrong, it enables you to focus on what you can learn from that experience. What do you need to do next time to make it work?
Strategies to support building self-confidence:
- Set yourself up to win by setting small, achievable goals to build self-confidence over time. As you cross off each win, you will naturally gain confidence as the momentum builds.
- Celebrate each step along the way to reinforce positive self-perception. Daily wins are a massive part of my work, and for the clients I work with. It quietens the negative self-talk as you get more comfortable with using praise towards yourself.
- Seek support from mentors, business besties, friends, or consider working with a coach to navigate these difficult moments
- Keep pushing forward, even when faced with setbacks or self-doubt. Those new pathways you’re creating every time you do something will become clearer and more attainable the more you keep going.
Final Thoughts:
The impact of low self-confidence and the role of the monkey mind can be huge on both your personal and professional life. When you experience self-doubt, it can be difficult to believe or trust in yourself and your vision.
Building self-confidence is an ongoing journey that requires patience and dedication to yourself. These old messages may have been present for years, so they may not just disappear overnight. But with patience, compassion and commitment to yourself and your business dreams, you can achieve self-confidence.
I would love to hear your experiences and your thoughts on self-doubt. What are your tips for building self-confidence and taming the monkey mind? What has worked for you in the past? How can you use your own experiences to reframe those negative thoughts?
Take a Look…
Have you read my other posts talking about how passive income can be a fantastic add-on to your business? If you're an introvert, manage energy issues or want to do business your way… Passive income could be THE answer to your business goals!
What Are You Waiting For?!
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Passive income can provide the freedom and financial stability you desire. Once you're up and running, you can use passive income to fund a virtual assistant (VA) or social media manager, further streamlining your business operations as you grow.
With good planning and effective time management in place, you can create a business and achieve financial freedom through passive income.
Introducing:
Launching soon: The Quietly Conquering membership to help with building self-confidence through accountability but in a very low-touch way. The membership is email-based with the option for occasional co-working. It's designed to support your motivation and provide accountability without needing to show up and be present within another online community.
You can achieve your goals, build a business that energises you, and have more freedom & less overwhelm. All perfect for building self-confidence along the way!
Once on the waitlist, you'll get the opportunity to be one of the first members of Quietly Conquering. This means you will access the monthly content for only £1.99 per month!
Join so you can get back in control of your time & your energy as you work towards your goals and rebuild your self-confidence.
Looking for more support?
Work with me 1-1 where we can focus on your mindset and self-confidence, or get clear on your next steps so you can make consistent progress. A plan doesn't have to feel scary – it's just a guide to keep you focused on the big goals, and support with time management and prioritising your tasks. Contact me to find out more
Meet Lynsey
Hey there! I'm Lynsey, a counsellor, coach and mentor for women who want to create change, but are feeling lost, uncertain and exhausted. With over 7 years’ experience of training, running businesses, and over a decade as a tutor and adult trainer, I've learned the value of a gentle and intentional approach to work and life that energises you without draining all of your energy.
I've lived with ME/CFS since 2011, and since then re-trained as a counsellor, and achieved a distinction for my Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy Practice; all while running 4 businesses!
How? Improving your mindset, finding acceptance in yourself, and developing a gentle, but solution-focused approach to achieving goals is key. Knowing that it's not about how fast you move, but finding your own pace and trusting that you can achieve your goals in your own way, one step at a time.
If you'd like to know more about working with me, you can email [email protected] or find me on socials (links in the menu)
Have you seen my online store Quietly Conquer – Find DFY templates, downloads and more!
